Kill me for being Pathetic

Now is almost 4 in the morning, and I’m experiencing a sleepless night despite the rain outside, and the fluffy quilt of mine, thank god it’s Sunday so at least I can sleep later on the day. This sleepless is partly because I have running nose, but also a sodding upset heart. I was going to call some friends earlier on the night but some are probably bored to death listening to my whining, and for some reason none of my friends who hasn’t hear me whining are available, and lucky them I suppose. I think I am in those self pitying pathetic mood that any girls bound to have once in a while despite their intelligence and independence. And also like any other girls the reason doesn’t lay far from pathetic love life, which I know is not everything in a girl’s life, but as I’ve said before I’m in a pathetic mode, so please indulge me and don’t judge me.
A few months ago I’ve embark on a project, which I called making my own fairytale project. This is essentially is doing everything it takes to find my better half, or at least a boyfriend. The reason for doing this is too long to explain. This project involves in quite a number of stuff, like improving my behavior (being more ladylike, restraining my laugh, etc), meet more people, and most fatally opening my heart to every twit that came across. Needless to say this project is a total failure, and has left me in an even worse condition than before. Prior the project I don’t really care if no one has amorous interest in me because I didn’t make any effort, but post the project this fact is distressing because now that I make the effort I still couldn’t get anyone has amorous interest in me. Whyyy…
All I want is to get those odd phone calls, those unimportant sms, dinner requests, and maybe just maybe if it isn’t too much something to signify one’s interest in me (a flower or anything, but a verbal statement is preferable). I wonder what do a girl got to do these days to get those kind of attention. Since this piece is already politically wrong, and has rendered me to become the most pathetic being in the universe, I might add that I want is certainty. In effect I think like most girls I have a very low self-esteem where romance is concerned. I want to have a clear message that “Yes, I like you and I would do anything to win your heart,” so I can enjoy the whole thing without worry. But yeah even the odd phone calls, ‘just to say hello’ smses, are enough, but of course they should come with sincere thoughts. For now though i think i am happy enough if i can sleep.... ;)