25th August 2005 - 25th August 2007

Last Saturday was my dad’s 2nd year death anniversary. Time does fly really. In my head it was like yesterday, the nightmare still vividly etched in my mind. The bewilderment, the lost feeling, and the pain. It felt like there was a huge stone slowly descending to your chest. Your heart was crushed little by little, the muscles contracting as if trying to fight the pressing movement of the stone. Soon you would be gasping for air. You face would start turning blue and the world was turning dark.

That’s how I felt at that time the minute I heard the news. Now two years pass sometimes I still feel it. Despite all my bravado, my faith that it’s all for the best, and my most positive-ness, there will always be days when I miss him so badly. I went to church and my heart crunch for missing him so much. There was this invisible being who twist my heart squeezing the life out of me and at that precise moment I felt this enormous anguish I couldn’t help crying.

For the whole hour I kept bargaining with God to free my dad from purgatory. When he passed away, it happened so quick that he didn’t have time to receive the last rite sacrament. This had been weighing on my mum so much being a devout that she is. I remember about half a year after my dad passed away I went to a trip to Israel. I never actually said it before but the reason I choose Israel is so that I can bargain with God to let my dad free from purgatory. When I was in Jesus’ tomb I asked for a mass for my dad hoping that it would hold more appeal to God, it was the holiest place after all. I stuck little notes on the Wailing Wall proposing my bargain with God. I lighted candles in Bethlehem hoping it would carry my prayer about freeing my dad from purgatory. I stare at the Sea of Galilee where Jesus made his miracles and pleading to God to free my dad. Everywhere I went I incessantly praying, pleading, demanding, and reasoning to God so my dad can be exempted from the fire of purgatory. And now two years afterwards, I still continue my campaign for my dad. So God, please consider my proposal and really wouldn’t it be easier to just grant me this wish so that you don’t have to be bothered with my nagging?