Great Expectation

Sometimes I wonder where all of this will lead me.
Whether all these life's tiddlings are actually worthed.

When i was a kid i was expected to be good
and i did.
It was so easy to be good or at least pretending to be good.

When i was a teenager i was expected to rebels like any other teens
and i did.
Again it was so easy living a life without responsibility

When i was an undergrad i was expected to immerse to campus life without failing
and i did
It was even easier to have fun and getting barely there marks

Now that i am older
i am expected to have my own expectation
and it baffles me.

At some days i feel like i want to curl up like a baby
and forget about everything, the worry, the pain, the hardship

At other days i feel like i want to seize the day
live for the moment and forget the life

And at other days too i feel numb
like the world has freeze and my spirit has died

and there are even other days when
my mind wanders to weird territories
like today, now