Surat Surti

Dear Nana,
Aku dapet surat kamu waktu kamis lalu, tapi aku engga tau mau bales apa jadi baru hari ini aku nulis. Na, sebetulnya aku engga nyalahin kamu, aku ngerti koq. Lagian emang kadang kadang hidup susah dimengerti, dan lebih parahnya lebih susah lagi mengerti diri kita sendiri. Seperti yang dulu aku pernah bilang ke kamu sebetulnya kamu harus kenal diri kamu dan harus berlaku sesuai dengan kemampuan diri kamu, walaupun itu mungkin bukan kamu yang sebenarnya. Inget gak sih? Itu yang waktu kita ketemuan di Kemang sore sore, kamu tanya aku kenapa sih aku suka kaya anak kecil. Kenapa aku polos banget dan naif, padahal menurut kamu aku engga mungkin sepolos dan senaif itu. Terus aku bilang “well, that’s the only way I can keep living.” Aku serius loh Na, waktu itu. Aku tahu bahwa mungkin aku membohongi diriku, karena aku memaksa untuk melihat hidupku melalui kaca bewarna pastel. Tapi aku juga tahu bahwa kalau aku tidak memasang filter itu mungkin aku akan masuk rumah sakit gila. Curang sih, bahkan mungkin kalo ketemu psikiater aku bakal dibilang bodoh, bahwa aku hanya menyimpan bom waktu yang suatu saat akan meledak dan menghancurkan hidupku. Trus inget gak kamu bilang apa? Kamu bilang aku pinter, dan kamu akan ikut ikutan memasang filter dalam hidup kamu. Hmmm, udah selama ini aku belom pernah tanya kamu apakah kamu benar benar memasang filter itu.
Nana, inget gak waktu kita masih baru baru kuliah, kita pernah diteriakin maling gara gara kita manjat pager rumah kamu jam 4 pagi abis clubbing. Hahaha the good old days.Kadang kadang gua pengen nangis kalo inget masa masa begajulan dulu. Hidup indah banget yah.
Nana kamu sekarang bahagia engga di sana? Aku kangen kamu banget loh. Oh ya Minggu lalu aku sama anak anak ke kuburan. Kamu pasti lupa kalo minggu lalu kamu ulang taun. Hmmm…Nana kenapa sih kamu harus bunuh diri.

love'
Surti

Dull

My colleague cum deskmate cum gossipmate cum snackmate cum bulliermate is on leave, a few days shy from her wedding. Suddenly my morning is silent as rather impossible to chitchat by oneself without being deemed insane and fired wth pitying look. Oaky I suppose it’s a chance to work more efficiently, but the idea this singularity will stretch to the coming week is making me depress hence cannot work.

In Memoriam

A person will be eternally cherished not by her merits, but by the love she brings to her loved ones. Till forever you will be cherished and loved

11 February 1980-11 February 2005

A Quickie

A quicky to remind myself...

Taking delight in small things will keeps suicide away

Fairy Tale Vs Hoax

I saw ‘Bride and Prejudice’ yesterday. For those who hasn’t heard of it, it’s a remake of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. The reason I saw it was firstly because it was made by the people who made ‘Bend it Like Beckham’ (which I rather like, albeit too sweet), and secondly I’m rather curious how Jane Austen will translate into today’s society and Indian culture. As per myself I am rather familiar with the Bennets having read the book for my year 11 literature class, and had also seen the BBC’s version with the gorgeous Colin Firth as handsome Mr. Darcy.
One of the hottest discussion on my yr11 class was that the Bennets’ girls came across as pitiful, as maariages was the only avenue for them to ensure their future. Our tehacher pointed out that this was in the 18 th century, a long way from today, and writted by a preacher’s daughter who probably hasn’t got much social life. Okay that settles the argument, silently we half pitied them for not having options like us but also envying them for having a seemingly much simpler life and of course great love story.
Fast forward, yesterday I just realise that the reason we long for the knight in shining armor is because we were taught to do so. Let’s see eversince we were girls we’re feed Sleeping beauty (handsome prince), snow white (handsome prince), little mermaid (handsome prince). Not once did I saw a fairytale where the heroine is a self made woman and a pauper as her object of affection. This brainwashment (is that a word?) is so subtle that we didn’t, wouldn’t realised it, maybe until you came across movie like ‘Bride and Prejudice’ and realise the concept of HANDSOME, RICH, man is created by moviemakers to lulled us into dreamery. The reason Jane Austen wrote Pride and Prejudice as it was because that was how life was, and the reason Bride and Prejudice was filmed because it’ll lulled the viewers.
I think this movie had brought me a step closer to resent the concept of fairy tale, marrying a knight in shining armor.