Happy Birthday...

Today is my dad’s birthday. He would have been 75 today had he been around. I guess age doesn’t really matter to him anymore now that he’s happily enjoying his eternal life. I cannot help to feel that this is still that special day that we would celebrate. Funnily enough unintentionally I had fried noodle during lunchtime and I didn’t even realize that today is his birthday.
Papap if you are around you’re probably eating your ice cream cake as we speak. The one with fruit cocktail ice cream and without any cake just layers of your favorite ice cream hand made courtesy of your sister, my ice cream auntie. You would have spent the morning playing golf being it a Wednesday, and you’d probably brought little treats for your golfing pals. The afternoon would have been spent at home with your grandchildren bringing you cards they made themselves, and by evening we all would probably eat your favorite soto.
Papap life goes on for the rest of us. You’d be so proud with your newest little grand daughter. As for us, the kids who aren’t exactly kids anymore but will always be kids in your eyes, well life has been kind to us I guess. I’m still as lost as ever, but still manage to slowly creeping to the whatever my destiny is. In other word… yes, I’m still working! And no I’m not bumming! Though sadly to say your hope of me settling down is still rather, well obscure… I still don’t know where I want to live and start building my life. But don’t worry, don’t worry, I’ll sort it out soon I guess… J
Papap wonder whether you’re happy over there… Well you better jolly be happy since losing you wasn’t quite a walk in the park and it’s definitely is not worth it if you’re not happy. And you better enjoy your birthday over there, because not being able to celebrate it with you is kinda suck. Sigh, I’m sorry I’m ranting… I guess I just miss you. Miss your wrinkly skin, miss your laughter, miss your words of wisdom and most of all… I miss munching chips in front of the TV with you.

Corniest poem of All

Don' wipe my tears when i cried
Just lend me your time to see me cry
So i know i'm not crying by myself

Don't make my life right when it's screwed
Just give me a little encouragement
So i know it's still worthed

Don't try to heal me when i'm hurting
Just lend me your shoulder to lean on
So i know i have a rope to hang on

Don't try to guide me when i'm lost
Just ride with me and lend me your map
So i know it's my way

Chappatis

I made my first chappatis yesterday... yayyy...
surprisingly easy... it wasn't quite there yet but it wun
take more than a few more rounds of dough making...

Times like this i wish i have a camera... huhuhuh

Only Love - Nana Muskouri

Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
You were there and all the world was youngand all it's songs unsung.
and I remember you then,
when love was all,
all you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me.
Only then I felt my heart was free.
I was part of you and you were all of me.
Warm were the days and the nightsof those years.
Painted in colors to outshine the sun.
All of the words and the dreamsand the tears live in my remembrance.
Only love can make a memory.
Only love can make a moment last.
Life was new, there was a rage to live,
each day a page to live,and I remember you then,
when love was all, all you were living forand how you gave that love to me
Only then I knew my heart was free.
I was part of you and you were all of me.

Cheezy but i dun care i love this song

Ibu ku

Ibu ku tidak suka memasak, dia juga tidak suka bersih bersih. Biasanya dia selalu menyuruh pembantunya untuk melakukan semua pekerjaan rumah. Dia juga kadang kadang suka tidak sabaran dan marah marah. Dia juga sering kali menganggap aku seperti anak kecil dan terlihat ingin mengontrol hidupku.

Tapi aku bangga sama ibuku karena:
1. Walaupun dia menangis, dia selalu tabah dan selalu yakin bahwa semua akan berlalu dan segala sesuatu akan menjadi indah di saat waktunya. Ketika ayahku meninggal dia tetap menjalani hidupnya seperti normal. Walaupun dia jadi susah tidur, setiap hari dia tetap bangun pagi dan ke gereja. Dia tetap berkarya dan tetap rajin membantu orang orang.

2. Walaupun dia kesepian dia tidak mengijinkan aku untuk merubah hidupku untuknya. Ketika aku ingin pindah ke luar negri, dia menyemangati aku dan membantu aku dalam segala hal, padahal pada saat itu dia pasti membutuhkan aku untuk ada di dekatnya untuk mengobati kesepiannya.

3. Walaupun dulu dia memiliki kesempatan bagus untuk membangun karirnya, dia memilih untuk menjadi ibu rumah tangga, karena dia tahu itu yang ayahku inginkan dan yang anak anaknya butuhkan.

4. Walaupun aku suka tidak sabaran sama dia dan terkadang jahat dia tetap selalu sabar menungguku untuk berubah. Dia selalu mengerti keadaanku, bahkan sebelum aku mengerti.

5. Walaupun dia pelit dan jarang membeli barang barang bagus untuk dirinya, dia selalu dengan mudah meminjamkan uang ke orang lain. Pada waktu penyewa rumahnya tidak punya uang untuk membayar sewaan dia tidak sampai hati untuk menagih dan membiarkan dia tetap tinggal walaupun sudah menunggak berbulan bulan.

Loo

Mmm... i feel like these days my soul has grown numb... I never have the urge to write and pour my soul out anymore. My journal pages have been left blank for ages, and no more tear stained writings anymore. I've ceased to be emotial wreck... or so i thought...

Today in the office, as always i did my 'business' as nature calls, and not having any reading materials around i relented to busy myself with my phone (non vibrating mode of course - u dirty s**t :P) Flick my old messeges, then my image gallery... Flicking until i came across some old snapshots taken when i had just got that phone... Yeah i look a tad bit younger, better complexion, and i dunno fresher i guess... Then there it was a picture of me any my dad. Taken when i just had that phone, our first phone camera experience...

And i cried for a minute, there and then just as flushes heard from the other cubicles tears also trickles down my cheeck as i relived that evening in front of the TV. Me and my dad and my then new phone.

The movie reel in my head finish. Wiped my tears, flushed the toilet, wash my hand, and i walked out the loo smiling to colleagues i met on the way to my project meeting that afternoon.

2007

Another new year… yes, yes this is also another boring new year recollection and resolution. But hey, this is my blog and where else would I write my sorry piece if not on my sorry blog.
Okeih… let’s see what had been happening in my life during 2006 apart from the obvious like changing jobs, changing geographic location, changing friendster relationship status. Just a quick recap if you haven’t been following my blog (and may I ask why?), I started the year living in Indonesia working for an insurance company and happily or not too happily immerse in a long distance couple hood. Fast forward a few months I was still living in Indonesia but minus my job and my couple hood. After a spell in middle east, I moved to Singapore in the pursuit of both my career advancement and my ex. Cut story short, I got myself a job which I actually enjoy, I’ve gave up my ex, and now just living my life by ear.
Now, lets get down to the main course. What did the year taught me? I’ve spent a good part of my adult life searching for Mr. Right, and even at the stage that I know that it’s not quite right I still refuse to budge. Truly I was an obsessed woman, obsessed of making my relationship work. May I remind you, I’m that woman who resigned moved to another country only to seek confirmation that my relationship was well and truly over. The good things about the experience are:
It makes me realize that I have the ability of doing things all the way and not just do things halfway. Well of course unfortunately the ‘thing’ wasn’t really appropriate.
There are too many uncertainties in relationship department that in some cases no matter how much you push for it a good chance that it will still not work out. So consequently you should not plan your life around this particular sector.
Work is actually a sector in your life that can be most rewarding and to some extend has less uncertainty. Hence planning your life around this particular sector is wiser than the above.
Most important of all truly believe the saying ‘whenever a door closed, a window opened.’ For me, my obsession with relationship is my door and my newfound interest in my career is my newly fitted window.
So yeah, I’ve learned to accept things that I cannot change (read: cannot force relationship) and change things I can change (read: work hard for career). Never be afraid of changes because you simply will never know what is stored for you unless you try it. I moved across the ocean for something so uncertain I sometime still kick myself for it and in return I actually found something I didn’t think I will ever have…contentment.