Happy Birthday

Today is my dad’s birthday. Another year, another letter. I still miss him but on this third year I’ve begun to feel that it has been like this forever. Living with him in my heart and soul but not in physical presence. I have started to remember him just as he was and not the rosy picture of him in pedestal. When he passed away and years afterward I can only remember his good deeds. I can only picture him as the perfect dad, the perfect mentor, the perfect man. I couldn’t remember his flaws, his limitation, or his humanity. To me he was perfect.
When I re read my blog I notice that throughout the years after he passed away, I’ve always wrote about how much I love him, how much I miss him, and most of all how much I look up to him. I wrote about how he imparted his wisdom to me, about how he seemed to know the answer to all questions, how indulgence he was to us and how he taught me so many stuff during his living years.
I never wrote how he hardly display any sign of affection when I was growing up. I never wrote about how he very seldom praised me. I never wrote how it took me years to finally realize that he did love me and he was proud of me despite of his lack of display of affection. And then of course there’s the physiological that he was my step dad.
But you know what, I don’t care. I love him all the same. Yes, he was not perfect. Yes, he had his flaws. But it doesn’t change the fact that I love him very much and not a day had pass that I don’t think of him.
Happy birthday, daddy.

Panic Mode…

I just got a call from my sis, telling me that my mum is in hospital coz she was hit by a car while crossing. In a nutshell she is all right. But unreasonably I was so agitated and close to crying. The last time I received similar call from my sis, I took it lightly, too lightly that I only reached the hospital way after my father passed away.

PRICK

About 3 hours ago I was fuming mad. Reason being, yours truly who had wanted to ‘try again’ bailed out for Saturday on which we’re supposed to go out just casually. Understood that work is work, but then I do wonder sometimes whether it’s really work or just an excuse. Oh boy I was mad really, and for a while thought why do I let myself get entangled in this nonsense. Here’s the excerpt

YT: … I hv to fly to perth on sat/sat
Me: Oh, so the we’re not going out on Sat? (which btw he asked me last Monday and since I kinda want to catch up with him, I’ve cleared out my calendar… which is not tat busy anyway)
YT: I know. I’m not looking forward to it.
Me: WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!! (silently)

Then after awhile I realize the reason I was fuming was because he wasn’t apologetic about bailing out. The emotion I felt was sort of familiar, I remember there was this time R bailed on me about half an hour before he’s supposed to come and he didn’t sound apologetic and it pushed me off the roof. I was so mad at him then, but of course like always we patched things up.

Well anyway I’m not going to waste my time analyzing anything and I’ll be damned if I waste anymore time writing about yours truly. I’m just venting out, I bloody hate it when people ermmm… I dunno the right word coz the only words in my mind are swearing words... mmm being bloody pricks???