Ra…ra…ra..

8 Minutes before the clock sings
8 Minutes before I can leave my desk
8 Minutes before i say goodbye to security man
8 Minutes before I can run down the stairs
Catch a taxi and go for a coffee with my friend..

My head is heavy from all the thinking
My stomach growls from all the working
My feet is tired from all the running around
My heart is happy from the excitement
7 Minutes away from freedom…

Solo

My weekend trip to Solo was a total blast. The wedding was beautiful, even though the MC thought that he was in the 80ish, but then again maybe he did truly believed he was. But anyhow the best bit of the whole trip is of course the after party, in the hotel’s bar or Music Room they called it. Erhmm, frankly I don’t think I can really recite the after party since I was soooooo veryyyy wasted… J All I know was we invaded the tiny bar, and starts gulping beers whilst jeering at the cheesy songs. I manage to make a spectacle of myself and yes regretfully I think the party bunch will remember me as the girl who cannot hold her drinks, har..har..har. But the most embarrassing bit actually happens the morning after in a taxi that I took with some friends.

Friend: Hey, how was yesterday? Did you got home allrite? Har..har..har.. you were so up in the moon.

Me: God, I so never going to the place anymore.

Friend: Har..har..har.. you don’t remember a thing , do you?

Taxi driver: Yes, I was the one who drives her home yesterday. Yes..yes.. I still remember you from yesterday. From Quality hotel, right?

Me: Oh my God. (at this stage I hung my head in shame).
I don’t think I will take taxi rides in solo for quite some time now, not that I will be back there for a while anyhow. But still, out of all taxis in solo why do I have to ride with the taxi driver who witness my drunkenness, and why oh why did he had to told everyone in the taxi that he remembered it?

Belajar

Okeeiii... setelah beberapa lama meninggalkan bangku sekolah, hari ini gua harus belajar karena besok gua bakal ulangan. Waduhhh waktu dulu ketika tanggung jawab gua hanya belajar yang rajin pun gua selalu kesulitan belajar, apalagi sekarang dimana kegiatan seputar ulangan, assignment, belajar hanya seperti sekumpulan mimpi buruk yang sudah gua lewatkan.

Attempts yang sudah gua lakukan dalam acara belajar kali ini:

1. Hari Jumat...

Pulang kantor jam 8 an, setelah bla bli blu... jam 10 ngeluarin buku baca 6.5 menit, temen telpon gosip berjam jam, lupa belajar.

2. Hari Sabtu...

Kebanyakan acara, buku sama sekali terbengkalai.

3. Hari Minggu..

Bangun jam 10, sarapan, siap siap belajar. Jam 12 belajar, jam 12.10 ketiduran sampai jam 2.

Jam 4 sore belajar, jam 4.05 ketiduran sampai jam 4.30.

Jam 11 malem belajar, jam 11.15 bosen dan ngeblog sampai sekarang.

Harghhhh....

Dia

Sehelai demi sehelai dia merapikan
Benang benang pikirannya yang kusut masai
Beri aku kekuatan Tuhan…Beri aku kekuatan
Ujarnya berulang ulang

Setusuk demi setusuk dia menjahit
Pecahan pecahan hatinya yang tercerai berai
Beri aku ketabahan Tuhan…Beri aku ketabahan
Ujarnya berulang ulang

Sebongkah demi sebongkah dia menyusun
Puing puing jiwanya yang hancur lebur
Jangan tinggalkan aku Tuhan… Jangan tinggalkan aku
Pintanya terus menerus

Makan….

Makan adalah suatu kegiatan yang menurut gua mempunyai fungsi ganda. Selain untuk kelangsungan hidup , makan tuh sebetulnya dalah kegiatan sosial juga. Di keluarga gua setiap acara keluarga pasti berbentuk, lunch,, dinner, lunch, dinner, atau kalo kepepet ngemil. Di lingkungan pertemanan gua juga makan menjadi aktivitas favorit. " Eh weekend makan jepang yuk", " Tar abis nonton ngupi yuk", " Jadi hari sabtu kita lunch di Kemang, trus ngupi di Citos sekalian nonton, trus malemnya makan martabak."

Biasanya gua sama teman teman gua kalo lagi seneng makan sesuatu pasti setiap kali maunya makan itu terus, baru kalo udah bosen berpindah ke makanan lain. Sekarang kita lagi seneng makan ceker, jadi hampir setiap kali kita pergi (biasanya Jumat, Sabtu, Minggu, plus beberapa hari biasa) kita bakal makan ceker dalam berbagai bentuk. Makan mi ceker, soto ceker, ceker dim sum, pokoknya harus yang berbau ceker. Dan tau gak, kalo lagi engga ketemu sms yang bertebaran biasanya dimulai dengan " Aduh sakau ceker, perlu ketemuan nihh." Hihihi…

Kalau kakak gua dia suka banget memalsukan makanan di restoran. Tiap kali kita makan enak dia pasti bingng sendiri masaknya gimana. Dan biasanya dia selalu nekat ikut ikutan bikin dan engga jarang malah jadi bikin susah semua, hihihi. Dulu pernah kita lagi suka banget makan Unagi Don (Belut Panggang), dan kakak gua penasaran pingin banget bikin sendiri. Dengan jumawa dia beli belut hidup segede gajah di Vic Market dan dengan santainya dibawa pulang hidup hidup, padahal sebetulnya bisa juga minta dibunuhin sama tukang ikannya. Si belut dilepas di sink dapur gua sementara dia mengasah golok jimatnya. Walaupun gayanya meyakinkan, dalam waktu beberapa menit gua mendengar teriakan " Waa, *$%#$@*@#$& !!!" gubrak gubrak krompyang. Langsung aja gua beringsut dari sofa ke dapur, dan ternyata… si belut yang tadinya sudah manis di sink lagi asik bergeliatan di meja dapur menghindari pegangan kakak gua. Muka kakak gua udah mulai pucat karena gua yakin banget walaupun dia punya senjata golok jimat dia sebetulnya jijay banget megang badan si belut yang selicin dan selentur penari penari timur tengah. Huhuhu, abangku sayang makanya jangan suka ngasal.

Yah itulah sekelumit pengalaman gua dengan acara makan memakan

I’ve received quite a responds for the posting I posted during my bleak weekend. Teman teman thank you yah… huaa love y all. And just to reassure you again, it was only an episode and come Monday the blah weekend was over:) So yeah I think I am normal again now, and so like my friend told me "I’m marching out with my chin up":)

Cont from prev Posting

Now is 7.21 in the morning, I’ve just had a light breakfast and ready to go to bed finally. I decided to end my sleepless night by joining the Sunday mass at dawn. So I drive to the church unshowered, unkempted, at around 5.30 ist, sat there for a while before joining the Sunday mass. In the sermon the priest read a passage from someone that said something like “When I asked for comfort, You gave me pain. When I asked for security, You gave me worry. When I asked for relief, You gave me burdens.” And the message was that He never gives you what you want, but only what you needs. A teaching I know all my life, nothing new in the message, but just about the answer I need after my sleepless night. My project fails miserable even though all the while I’ve praying for meeting my future significant other and make all the efforts, because as much as I want to it was not what I need for now. So yeah now I think I’ll sleep and waits for my significant other whenever the Lord decides that it’s what I need. Beside I think I’ve just received as sign that God thinks I need to sleep now, so I better abide.

Ps: There wasn't any choir in the dawn mass, but someone was singing Angelicus and it was unbelievable lovely. A small consolation gift from God after my lousy night, and this kind of thing is the reason why i love having my God in my life.

Kill me for being Pathetic

Now is almost 4 in the morning, and I’m experiencing a sleepless night despite the rain outside, and the fluffy quilt of mine, thank god it’s Sunday so at least I can sleep later on the day. This sleepless is partly because I have running nose, but also a sodding upset heart. I was going to call some friends earlier on the night but some are probably bored to death listening to my whining, and for some reason none of my friends who hasn’t hear me whining are available, and lucky them I suppose. I think I am in those self pitying pathetic mood that any girls bound to have once in a while despite their intelligence and independence. And also like any other girls the reason doesn’t lay far from pathetic love life, which I know is not everything in a girl’s life, but as I’ve said before I’m in a pathetic mode, so please indulge me and don’t judge me.
A few months ago I’ve embark on a project, which I called making my own fairytale project. This is essentially is doing everything it takes to find my better half, or at least a boyfriend. The reason for doing this is too long to explain. This project involves in quite a number of stuff, like improving my behavior (being more ladylike, restraining my laugh, etc), meet more people, and most fatally opening my heart to every twit that came across. Needless to say this project is a total failure, and has left me in an even worse condition than before. Prior the project I don’t really care if no one has amorous interest in me because I didn’t make any effort, but post the project this fact is distressing because now that I make the effort I still couldn’t get anyone has amorous interest in me. Whyyy…
All I want is to get those odd phone calls, those unimportant sms, dinner requests, and maybe just maybe if it isn’t too much something to signify one’s interest in me (a flower or anything, but a verbal statement is preferable). I wonder what do a girl got to do these days to get those kind of attention. Since this piece is already politically wrong, and has rendered me to become the most pathetic being in the universe, I might add that I want is certainty. In effect I think like most girls I have a very low self-esteem where romance is concerned. I want to have a clear message that “Yes, I like you and I would do anything to win your heart,” so I can enjoy the whole thing without worry. But yeah even the odd phone calls, ‘just to say hello’ smses, are enough, but of course they should come with sincere thoughts. For now though i think i am happy enough if i can sleep.... ;)

Why do I like sleeping…

When sleeping I can conjures my own fairytale world
My mind can stop thinking for a while
And it can wanders to places
To lifes of non existent,
Live life of dream
When sleeping I can summon people
People I cannot nor dare not to call in real life
Quality time which never happen,
My heart will stop aching for a while
And it can love freely
Peoples of different dimension,
Feeling the unfeel

Cari Pacar

I felt like I’ve just wake up from mellowness slumber…
Hua…Hua… Gua mau bercerita sedikit mengenai aktivitas gua belakangan ini. Ceritanya semenjak gua balik ke Jakarta banyak banget yang meributkan soal kejombloan gua. Namely bonyok gua sih, yang meributkan status gua ini. Nah, tadinya emang gua gak dengerin, tapi setelah berbulan bulan gua jadi ikut kepengaruh dan jadi mulai ikut ikutan panik pengen cari pacar. Dalam quest gua mencari pacar ini, gua mulai dengan membuka hati kepada orang lain. Bayangin aja yang setelah beberapa tahun gua jomblo dan hanya pernah naksir ato terlibat dengan beberapa cowo doang, sekarang dalam kurun waktu beberapa bulan gua attracted ke beberapa orang. Seolah olah filter yang selama ini ada di diri gua langsung goes on holiday, gara gara euphoria cari pacar yang di sulut oleh nyokap gua. Oh ya, perlu gua bilang juga si beberapa orang yang gua naksir secara bergantian dalam waktu beberapa bulan itu, sudah tentu engga ada yang nyantol. Dan memang sekarang pada waktu gua mulai sadar dari kemabukan aktivitas cari pacar ini, kalau ditilik tilik emang sebetulnya engga compatible sama gua. Sekarang gua mau mulai kembali memanggil filter gua balik dari holidaynya, karena sebetulnya nanti jodoh gua pasti mampu menembus filter gua, dabn tanpa filter gua itu kayanya koq jadi gampang tersakiti. So, yah inti ceritanya jangan ngoyo pengen punya significant other dan settle down. Everything will come in it’s good time, walaupun gua gak tau kapan my ‘good time’ will come.

Love

And he asked about love…

Love is a decision. It is not a coincidence, it is not fate, it is not even a feeling. If one decides to open her heart to someone, then it is love. And so if a person decides to close her heart then it is the end of love. Like many other things in life we do have control over it. Maybe the nature will lead us to make the decision that we made, but nevertheless it is us who are the decision makers. We can choose to nurture the budding of what may become love, or we can choose to let it dry out. Even though the budding comes unexpectedly, the nurturing should come from our self-consciousness. Happy are those who dare to decide to nurture.

Moments I cannot Forgot

When I was in year 12, my first significant ‘friend’ was going back to Indonesia for good, and I was devastated. The morning he flew home I catch a taxi to his place very early in the morning. We sat in front of his apartment building waiting for the time for him to go to the airport. It was still dawn and the sun had barely shone, and the air was cold. Quite a typical winter morning. I remember I had my black cord coat on, and tears were streaming down my face. I was clinging to him not wanting to let go afraid my heart will break to pieces. But of course the taxi came and he went away. And that was the last time I ever saw him.
I remember walking home feeling miserable, desperate for some assurance that everything will be all rite. The flat was still quiet when I get back, I went to my room and started to read comic books and sobbing at the same time. I think I was devastated to weeks, and I cried for weeks. I cried every morning fo the first week, and began writing corny stuff all over my journal hoping it will ease the pain.
The feeling that I had for him was merely puppy love, in fact I don’t think I ever know what real love is. But at the time the heartbreak was the greatest. Especially because I was a young fool, and inexperienced. Like always in the end I am thankful for the experience. My first taste of heartbreak.